


When You're Ready

by serenesavagery (windrunnerdreamer)



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: 5 + 1 acts thing, 5 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anxiety, Attempt at Humor, Babysitting, Firefighters, Fluff, Happy Kaladin Stormblessed, Humor, Identity Porn, M/M, Modern Era, but that's up to you guys, it's a tag now, it's moreso veil than shallan, it's not crack however, just a sitcom i guess, the happy kaladin we deserve, there's nothing serious about this, this is just meant to be fun, wow identity porn is so weird lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23856316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windrunnerdreamer/pseuds/serenesavagery
Summary: Elhokar's life sucks. He's a divorced 30 year old with a seven year old that he is not completely sure should be with, his wife kinda needs to go to the mental asylum (so does his roommate, but she also happens to be his cousin's fiancee so, eh) working at an art museum after resigning from being the Senator because he sucked, with a horrible microwave that insists on bringing a moody, masked fireman to his house.At least the nice med school student next door is willing to take care of Gav, and no, he does not have feelings for the guy, shut up, Adolin.(5 times Elhokar fails to realize that the firefighter he hates and his lovable next door neighbor are the same person while other people do and the time he did.)
Relationships: Adolin Kholin & Elhokar Kholin, Elhokar Kholin & Gavinor Kholin, Elhokar Kholin & Jasnah Kholin, Kaladin & Gavinor Kholin, Kaladin/Elhokar Kholin, Shallan Davar & Elhokar Kholin, Shallan Davar & Gavinor Kholin, Shallan Davar/Adolin Kholin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 31





	When You're Ready

_**Strike one:** _

" _I hate you_!" Elhokar screams at the microwave as it sent off the smoke detector ringing. 

"I'd tell you to let me cook, but then again, I can't boil hot water to save my life." Shallan Davar says dryly, leaning against the doorframe. 

"I've been telling you to buy a microwave, and all I get is sass." Elhokar says, shaking his head. 

"That's because you keep overcooking the sphagetti?" Shallan asks, rolling her eyes. 

"I miss the days you used to be actually scared of me while I was the Senator." Elhokar says, sighing as he got out his phone to call the fire brigade. 

"And I miss the days you were actually cute." Shallan says, smiling sweetly. 

"Do me a favor and shut up, Shallan." Elhokar snipes, before pressing the phone to his ear. 

_"Hello, Brooklyn Fire Department?"_

Elhokar mimes screaming because it's the guy who happens to be sassing him every time he could. Which was often. 

To be fair, Elhokar can't blame the man, but he's going to blame the man anyway because seriously, who complains about doing their job? It wasn't as if Elhokar asked them to be firemen. 

Then again, firefighting had a higher rate of collision with death, so it really swings about. 

"Uh hello-"

_'You again? I'll send the fire brigade.'_

Elhokar nearly throws his phone at the kitchen counter but then realizes he does not really have the money to buy another one. 

Shallan just grins. 

Kaladin actually likes working as a fireman, despite how many misgivings his family has had about it. 

(It was, in his family's defense, a heart attack giver of a job and unnecessary as he was still in med school, but hey. He only worked once a week. And Jezrien was adamant about giving him only the least harmful of jobs. So, Kaladin wasn't dying any time soon. Which was fun.)

Mostly because annoying his next door neighbor and watching said next door neighbor mutter profanities about him was fun.

"I can't believe the nerve of that insensitive, _rude_ arse!" 

Oh and the Cockney accent was nice to hear too. 

Kaladin's favorite insult has to be this one- "I swear, to everything that's bloody good and holy, if I have to listen to that bastard again, I'll set _him_ on fire!" 

Now, Kaladin wasn't the kind of person to take kindly to people wanting to set him on fire or generally hating him when he was just doing his job but the best part of this whole thing was that said next door neighbor hadn't realized that the moody fireman who was his archnemesis and the sweet (apparently that's what he was called, Kaladin wouldn't know) guy who took care of his son were the same person. 

Really, it's the only reason Kaladin grins these days.

Next day evening, Kaladin is just fitfully napping for all of five minutes when his phone loudly starts ringing. 

One day, he swore vengefully as he picked up the phone, he was going to murder Adolin in his sleep for setting his ringtone to some inane K-Pop song. 

"Hello?" He growls, not seeing the caller ID. 

_"Is this a bad time?"_ Comes an amused, familiar voice. 

Kaladin blinks, sitting up straight. "Oh, uh, hey Elhokar. Sorry."

 _"Am I disturbing you though?"_ Elhokar asks, and his voice is tinged with worry and anxiety. 

Kaladin shakes his head. "No, no. What is it?" 

_"Are you sure I'm not disturbing you? I don't have any personal experience or anecdotes, but I am more than certain that med school is crazy."_ Elhokar says and Kaladin just wonders, how the _hell_ does this guy make a Cockney accent sound so good? 

"Nah. I'm the one with the personal experience, so I'm telling you. You're not disturbing me. What's up?"

_"Well, I'm working late at the museum tonight. Could you take care of Gav?"_

"Sure thing. Thought I smelled smoke from next door?" Kaladin asks, only because he can't resist. 

This whole dual identity drama has been going on for all of three months, and he's curious to see how much longer Elhokar can go on for without having realized said drama. 

Elhokar snorts and it is all Kaladin can do not to laugh. 

_"It was resolved. Though, thank you for your concern."_

"Oh, good then. I'll be there in a bit." Kaladin says, grinning like an idiot. 

But what was he meant to do? His life was, right now, the funniest it had ever been, and who could blame him for enjoying this? 

"Thank you so very much." Elhokar says with a grateful smile as Kaladin does the Baymax handshake with Gavinor. 

Kaladin turns to smile back. "I keep saying it isn't a problem. Gav is a cute kid anyway."

Gavinor giggles happily and then hugs Kaladin's leg. 

Elhokar smiles wider. "Really though, I can't let myself not thank you. I know you're getting money out of this, but really, thank you." 

"I'd think in you thanking me. you're gonna be late for your job." Kaladin says, and Elhokar waves a hand. 

Back when he first started babysitting Gavinor, Elhokar had been standoffish and generally what one would call a guy with a stick up his ass. But somehow or the other, Elhokar had started warming up and Kaladin was starting to like him a lot better than he had at first. 

"The disrespect I receive. Have a good time!" Elhokar calls out, grinning. 

Kaladin and Gavinor share a grin. 

"He still hasn't figured it out, yet?" Kaladin asks, smirking. 

Gavinor only snickers as he lets go of Kaladin's leg. "Nah." 

Kaladin only snorts before carrying Gavinor. 

* * *

_**Strike two:** _

"You _seriously_ can't fix your microwave?" The accursed firefighter asks in a disembodied voice, and oh, Elhokar really, really wanted to shake him. 

"You think I'd be calling you if I had the money to?" Elhokar hisses, narrowing his eyes. 

The firefighter gives him a very impressive look from behind his mask, and Elhokar just glares at him. 

"Wow." The fireman says, finally. 

"I honestly wish I could just.... _cook_ him." Elhokar growls out, miming shaking a pan. 

Shallan just shakes her head in pity. "Well, considering how he's got the equipment to prevent himself from getting cooked, I honestly think you should dream up other ways of murdering him." 

Elhokar huffs. "Forget it. He's not worth the effort." 

Gavinor just stares at the both of them and shares a meaningful look with Shallan when his father isn't looking. 

When Kaladin comes to babysit Gavinor the next time, which happens to be three days after the above mentioned incident, Shallan finally manages to be in the apartment the same time as the man.

"You know, you're conning Elhokar rather impressively." Shallan says conversationally, licking a lollipop. 

Kaladin's teaching Gavinor to make trains, and still, he manages to retort without lifting his head. "Conning a person isn't the same as tricking them, just so you know." He says, before letting the train move. 

Shallan smirks. "Wow. Uptight, huh?"

"Save it, lady. Don't you have a fianceé to be disgusting with?" Kaladin asks, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. 

"Well, yeah. But we are kinda interested-"

"I already said no. Besides, there's a kid in the room." Kaladin said dryly. 

Shallan shrugged. "Worth a shot. Besides, I'm sure Elhokar will mope in his room if he sees you're taken." 

"I'm pretty sure the chances of that are zero, but sure, okay." 

Then again, Kaladin kind of wants to see Elhokar moping just for _him_ , he thinks to himself when he sees the bright smile Elhokar shoots him after he's finished babysitting Gavinor. 

The thought is frightening and Kaladin has to resort to studying for his test seven hours longer than necessary. 

* * *

_**Strike three: (one where the fireman is actually nice)** _

"Isn't the fact that I once had a restraining order on you stopping you from seeing Gav?" Elhokar asks quietly, calmer than he would have reacted three years ago. 

Aesudan just smiles. "Why, Elhokar, can't I see my own son?"

"Not when you're crazy, no." The fireman says dryly from behind Aesudan, and Elhokar is so relieved that he actually is thankful for seeing the guy. 

"Aesudan, please step aside. My kitchen is on fire." Elhokar says placidly, and the fireman steps inside, before rushing inside to stop the burning kitchen. 

This time the whole kitchen was burning, and it wasn't Elhokar's fault. 

No, Shallan just thought she should be able to boil hot water and somehow the kitchen ended up being on fire. 

Aesudan raises an eyebrow, but then the fireman is quickly done with his work and steps out. 

"Please leave." Elhokar says firmly. 

"And if I don't?"

"I do _this_." Elhokar says, before slamming the door in his ex-wife's face and breathing quickly, ignoring how much sweat is on his hands. 

"Elhokar seriously hasn't recognised that _you're_ his next door neighbor?"

Kaladin exhales and breathes in. Aesudan had been exasperating enough as a child, it only made sense she was confined to a mental asylum in adulthood. 

He takes off his mask and stares at her. "Mind your own business, _hag_." He says, slowly. 

Aesudan just snorts. "You haven't changed in a bit." 

"Guess which one of us is in a mental asylum? Not me, that's for sure." 

"And I'm not pining away for a pathetic guy seven years older than me, am I?"

"Don't make me push you into a urinal." Kaladin says blandly.

"You'd have to be not arrested for sexual assault for that."

"At least I don't have a restraining order on me."

"Oh, so big boy Kaladin is a cliché good boy, huh?"

"Don't," Kaladin growls, shaking the fire extinguisher at Aesudan. "Make me spray this on you." 

Aesudan and Kaladin stare at each other, before remembering that the latter had not been above spraying whipped cream at the former. 

"Oh, fine. Elhokar is a pathetic asshole anyway."

"He's a much better human being than you are, in ways you can't even begin to understand. Stay the _fuck_ away from him." Kaladin says, quietly. 

Aesudan just snorts and walks away.

"Hey, Gav."

Gavinor is quietly doing puzzles when he hears Kaladin call him. "Yeah?"

Kaladin bites on his lip. "Your dad was...fine, yesterday, right?"

Two months is enough for Kaladin to know that Elhokar has triggered anxiety.

Hell, Kaladin had even gone out of his way to prescribe the right meds for the man and put it in his cabinet without Elhokar knowing. 

Gavinor shrugs, but he nods, smiling slightly. "Yeah. Auntie Shallan got him cookies."

Kaladin breaths out in amusement slightly, an idea coming to him. "Well, I know what we'll be doing today."

Gavinor blinks, looking at Kaladin. "Really?"

"Yeah, finish your puzzle first. Or do you wanna come with me right now?"

Gavinor grins. "I always like doing stuff with you, Kaladin. So okay!" 

Kaladin smiles. "All right, then. Come with me to the kitchen." 

Elhokar blinks at the brownies before smiling at Gavinor. "Gav, what's this for?" 

Gavinor shrugs before smiling brightly. "Well, Kaladin taught me how to make brownies! And I wanted to make you some!"

Elhokar laughs slightly, ruffling Gavinor's head before taking a bite of the brownies, blinking. 

"How's it, how's it?" Gavinor asks excitedly, jumping up and down. 

Elhokar grins. "Best brownies I ever had." 

Kaladin is surprised to find a packet of brownies by his door next morning, just before he heads out for class. 

There's a note tag, and he looks at it, blinking. 

_Thank you for teaching Gav how to make brownies!_

_-E.K_

Kaladin stares, eyes wide before stuffing the brownies inside his bag, running off with a smile.

* * *

_**Strike four:** _

Really, Elhokar should be the one kicking Adolin and Shallan out, but as it is, he needs someone to help him with the rent.

"I leave you two alone, for _thirty_ minutes, and somehow the _bedroom_ is on fire?!" Elhokar growls at the erring duo who share sheepish grins. 

"Sorry, Elhokar, but I honestly didn't know those scenting candles would-"

" _I d_ _on't_ _care!_ " Elhokar snarls, holding up a finger and Adolin shuts up and goes back to making sure Gavinor doesn't hear how pissed his dad is. 

Good. As the idiot _should_. 

Elhokar calls the fire brigade and nearly groans when it's the same arse taking the phone. 

_"This is like the fifth time this month you're calling the fire brigade. Are you sure-"_

"If you want to point fingers, point it at the stupid wanker of a cousin I have!" Elhokar growls, and Adolin whistles innocently.

 _"Whoa, cool it, princess."_ The voice says with an amused note that is somehow familiar but in his annoyance, Elhokar doesn't pay attention to it. 

"Call me _princess_ one more time and I will sock you in." Elhokar hisses, and the annoying fireman has the audacity to snort before hanging up. 

"Seriously though, how has he not figured out that it's you?" Adolin asks with a grin as Kaladin comes out from having put out the bedroom. 

"And how have you not figured out to properly use scented candles?" Kaladin asks, raising an eyebrow. 

Adolin was a frightening paradox- he could be as stupid so as to set a bedroom on fire using scented candles and yet somehow, Adolin had figured out that Gavinor's babysitter and Elhokar's arch rival are the same person faster than Shallan had. 

And _somehow_ , Adolin thought that this was enough to entitle him to being Kaladin's friend. 

People. 

"I got a dummy packet." Adolin says, cheerfully. 

"Dummy packets for the dummy, I guess." Kaladin says, dryly. 

"Hey, what happened to the bedroom? Why's it locked?" Kaladin asks innocently. 

Gavinor makes a noise exactly similar to Donald Duck's _'phooey!'_ and Kaladin elbows the little brat, gently however. 

Elhokar groans. "Don't ask. My cousin thought seducing his fianceé with scented candles would be a great idea. Too bad no one taught him how to use them." He grumbled, shaking his head. 

Kaladin shakes his head in pity while Gavinor just rolls his eyes. 

* * *

_**Strike five:** _

"Elhokar, you really should have fixed that microwave oven already." Jasnah says, shaking her head pityingly, and Elhokar gives his sister an impressive look. Which is rare. 

"Somehow, _I'm_ supposed to be responsible? _Your_ student is here too." 

Jasnah raises an eyebrow. "Are you telling me that a twenty one year old has to be more responsible than you are?"

Elhokar sighs. "Oh, do me a favor, Jasnah and _spare_ me." He says, calling the fire brigade. 

_"I don't even have to pick up and hear your voice to find out who it is at this point."_ The fireman says, amused and somehow his voice is entirely too familiar but Elhokar can't place it. 

"How absolutely wonderful for you." Elhokar says, exhaling. 

"I cannot believe you have tricked my brother so successfully, but I can't deny it, I suppose." Jasnah says to Kaladin in displeasure, when Elhokar is out of hearing range. 

" _'I do hate a proud man as I do hate the engendering of toads.'_ " Kaladin says, removing his mask so that Jasnah could hear him better. 

Jasnah raises an eyebrow. "Impressive. But have you heard of this one, Stormblessed? I believe this is how it goes... _'Let none presume to wear an undeserved dignity'_. I'd like to think I have deserved my dignity much more than you deserve your clearly non-existent one." 

"Hey, Kaladin, mind getting up on the truck already, son?" Teft calls, dryly before Kaladin can retort. 

Kaladin only gives Jasnah a disdainful look, well matched by the latter, before getting on the truck. 

Elhokar is very surprised the next time, when Kaladin is reading a Shakespearean play titled _Trolius and Cressida,_ but somehow...he likes it. 

(Gavinor is just playing Candy Crush while giving Kaladin pitying looks.)

* * *

_**Lucky Strike:** _

It takes four months for Elhokar to realize how much of an idiot he is. 

Four months. 

He can't believe that he hadn't seen it before, but it takes him thirty seconds of calm to realize... _that_. 

See, this time, Elhokar is perfectly calm when he calls the Brooklyn Fire Brigade, because by this time, the new microwave oven was spoiled on its own and therefore it was no one's fault.

So when the fireman, the one whose voice is so familiar at this point, talks again, Elhokar blinks. 

"Surprisingly, can't blame anyone for this one." The fireman jokes, and Elhokar blinks again. 

_"Can't blame anyone for that one. Figures that being with a bunch of white people is tiring." Kaladin says with a slight smile as he hands Elhokar a cup of coffee._

Elhokar is startled, and then looks at the fireman, who somehow, looked very familiar at this moment, despite Elhokar never having seen his face outside of the annoying mask. 

Elhokar narrows his eyes, before biting on his lip. 

Was....could it _be..._

No way. This fireman was rude and caustic, and Kaladin was simply a nice person. 

Then again.... _Kaladin_ had been rude and caustic when they had first met. 

Could it be...?

Elhokar takes out his phone impulsively and this time calls Kaladin's number. 

The fireman's phone is ringing with some K-Pop song that Elhokar has heard Adolin listening to before. 

It also happened to be Kaladin's ringtone

The fireman freezes and then looks at Elhokar, who's still holding up his phone and looking at the fireman with a raised eyebrow. 

"Why don't you pick that?" Elhokar asks coolly, and the fireman's throat visibly shows a sign of movement. 

"I think I have something else to do." The fireman says, voice once again amused and it only serves to put Elhokar on edge, as he takes off the mask only to reveal...

_Kaladin fucking Stormblessed._

"Oh my _god_." Elhokar says in a hushed voice, as Kaladin looks at him a little apprehensively but also in amusement.

"Well. You figured that one out." Kaladin says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"I can't _believe_ you." Elhokar hisses, his world spinning. 

"Elhokar, before you get mad at me, I got to tell you, your son figured it out in a week." Kaladin says dryly, raising his hands in surrender. 

Elhokar widens his eyes before looking at Gavinor, who's sucking on a lollipop with wide eyes. 

" _Seriously_?" Elhokar finds himself groaning. 

Gavinor shrugs, before raising an eyebrow. "Dad, it was kinda obvious that he was playing you from day one." 

"So that's what this is, a big joke?" Elhokar asks at Kaladin, hurt and angry all at once. 

"Nah. He just couldn't tell you to your face that he likes you." Shallan says dryly, against the doorframe. 

"I'm murdering you." Kaladin mouths at Shallan, who just blows him a kiss with a grin, before sheepishly looking at Elhokar. 

Elhokar, for his part, is floored once again. " _What_?" 

"Elhokar, can I give you some time? Think about it and I'll explain it to you tomorrow." Kaladin says, and Elhokar thinks it is so fucking unfair that his voice has to be gentle and apologetic all at once right now when he's so pissed. 

"Fine." Elhokar says, coldly. 

Shallan however, sees them making out in Kaladin's kitchen the very next day. 

"Boys." She says, dryly.

**Author's Note:**

> Heh. Also, Aesudan and Kaladin are related through Hesina, which Branderson confirmed, hence Aesudan.


End file.
